If there’s one thing Christians love to do, it’s dance. No, wait. Sorry. That’s Brazilians. If there’s one thing Christians (even those of the muy, muy caliente variety) love to do, it’s invoke the will of God. As in, “it was just the Lord’s will.” Get a cold and miss your kid’s 14th dance recital in as many months? It was just the Lord’s will. Stub your toe on that credenza that’s been in the same spot for 20 years? It was just the Lord’s will. Get attacked by three varieties of marsupials while on walkabout in Australia? Dude. Lord’s will.

The root of this silliness is probably James 4:15. To paraphrase (hey, if that “The Message” guy can do it…), “Who can say they will absolutely, positively do something? Instead, you should say you will do something if it’s the Lord’s will.” But this passage is really a warning against being certain in our control over our own lives. Not a rationalization for thinking God supernaturally slid that nasty credenza out a couple more inches from the wall. God may be omnipresent, but that doesn’t make Him a poltergeist.

Besides, with all the cursory talk of God playing puppet master in trivial events – and, sorry, God did not force you to eat those last six Oreos just because recycling was being picked up the next morning – we often forget to consider the actual important part of God’s will. As in, what is His will for your life? I know why we all avoid this question. Because, after the issue of salvation, it’s the biggest of all life’s questions. And, frankly, most of us are afraid of the answer.

Let’s face it, probing God’s will for our lives opens us up to – brace yourself – being used by Him in a surprising way. And few of us ever expect that “surprising way” to be as a world-renowned philanthropist who donates 90% of our lottery winnings while still enjoying weekend spins in the Bentley. No, the other Bentley. We tend to assume that God’s will for our lives will necessitate a move to Lower Whereisthatstan where we’ll minister to indigenous tribes that fear spoons but worship sporks (yes, there’s a KFC in Lower Whereisthatstan).

While I’m sure no small number of people hide from such callings, despite Lower Whereisthatstan’s thriving gravy trade, most people need not worry too much about the Lord’s will willing them to the boonies. But aside from our natural fear of what our supernatural path might be, the other issue of knowing the Lord’s will is, well, knowing the Lord’s will. Paul had his “road to Damascus” moment. Few of us will ever have a “Highway 114 to Bass Pro” moment wherein Jesus appears and tells us not to buy a new reel, but to become a fisher of men since the trout aren’t biting anyway.

No, we have to muddle through on those intangible, squishy things like faith and prayer. And that’s more than a little difficult for most of us. We prefer firm direction and plain-as-the-glitter-in-J-Lo’s-eyeliner answers. Should we move to a new city? Well, give dad a great new job in that city, Lord! Should we send the kiddos to private school? By all means, pony up a scholarship, Jesus! But it rarely works that way. At least not in my experience. If it has for you, be thankful. And don’t rub it in. Sometimes, it feels like no amount time in the Word, on our knees or in the company of other believers makes the answer clearer.

But that’s probably because we’re either not paying attention, or God isn’t ready to reveal the answer just yet. Both options are frustrating, but hey, it’s the Lord’s will, you know? I don’t have the answers. Well, not beyond my usual, made-up ones, of course. I’m about to hit 39 years of age in full-on mid-life crisis mode, wondering what it is I’m supposed to be doing after over 17 years of doing a lot that hasn’t seemed to amount to much. Personally, I’m hoping it’s just been a long prelude of preparation, and that God will layout a new, Bentley (or decent used Audi) strewn path in the very near future. Perhaps my time has been like Paul’s initial years in Arabia, during which God transformed him from a Pharisee to a great messenger for Christ. Or perhaps I just haven’t been paying attention.

Although I have been stocking up my spork collection, just in case.