Wuv. Twoo wuv. ‘Tis a many-splendored thing. It makes the world go ’round. It’s more than just a game for two. Love, actually, is all these things, along with an ooey-gooey host of 70s lite rock clichés. Naturally, or supernaturally, the Bible – being written out of love to those whom God loves (that would be us) – has more than a few passages dedicated to the topic, the most famous possibly being 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (with a bit from verse 8), which reads:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
This passage is a mainstay at weddings (including my own), slipping in nicely between the officiant’s never-quiet-brief-enough message on cleaving(?) and your cousin-in-law Becky’s country-and-western interpretation of “My Heart Will Go On.” But how many people pay attention to the verses? Did you even read it two sentences ago, or did your mind glaze over with a “Love is patient, love is…blah, blah, blah…love shares the Snuggie”? Because if you actually examine the verses (and those that surround them), you’ll soon discover one important fact: Love is a pain in the patookus to pull off correctly.
We’ve all heard that love is an action, and this passage confirms this notion with a list of do’s and don’ts sure to strike fear in the heart of even the most romantical of romanticists. Surely, only a Marvel-created Captain Lovejoy or Hugstra, Princess of Public Displays of Affection could shoulder such a massive burden. Not to mention the inevitable action figures, merchandising and personal appearances. But there is hope, my friends. And that hope is just a couple indecipherable sentences away. For if we examine each of Paul’s edicts one-by-one or two-by-four, we’ll discover the path to loving bliss can be trod even by those of us without multi-hued Spandex ensembles. And even those who do, but shouldn’t.
Love is patient, love is kind.
Translation: Chill out. Love only means never having to say you’re sorry if you can let the little things slide. So if your wife is constantly late and you’re Peter J. Punctuworthy IV, well, I’m sorry you have that name. Also, set the clocks ahead 10 minutes or just play Angry Birds while you wait. The kindness kicks in when, on the way to the soiree for which you’re now late, you refrain from slamming on the brakes and causing a mascara wand-related corneal tear.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Translation: No, seriously, chill out, you two. Chances are you didn’t snag one another by trying to out-doodle each other during increasingly hostile rounds of Pictionary. So put down your Sharpies of Competition and pick up the Chalice of Conviviality. Or is that the Goblet of Good Humor? Forget it. Just stick to Boggle.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
Translation: You are no longer No. 1 in your own eyes, Kemosabe. For example, let’s say in a certain kitchen there resides a certain cake of a certain tastiness level, of which there is certainly only one piece left. Love is what helps you leave that piece for your beloved. Or to only cut away a small sliver for yourself so she at least thinks you’re loving. Either way, fewer calories are a good thing.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Translation: The past is the past, not ammo for future fracasii. Remember that one time, like, seven years ago, when he told you that one thing you said made you sound like your mother and that your hairstyle didn’t really help with the comparison? Yeah, remember that time? Well, you shouldn’t.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Translation: Love keeps you both in line. Couples who delve into the depths of capital-D Depravity – either separately or especially together – never last. Bonnie and Clyde were young fools in love. Giddy on the joy juice of blossoming besottedness and alliteration, they decided to get what the good Lord didn’t give them from behind the barrel of a gun. And you know what happened to them? They made a movie about them. After they were dead. With Warren Beatty. So yeah, check yourselves before you wreck yourselves.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Translation: Love always does what’s always best. A bunch of longhairs once sang, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” Paul would scat back, “If you can’t be with the one you love, Skype them before turning in for the night. Now get a haircut.”
Love never fails.
Translation: Love never fails, but we do. There is no falling out of love, kids. If you haven’t figured it out by now, love is a choice, a decision, a daily purposing of putting the needs and wants of those you love above your own. So if that means pausing the Call of Duty battle for fifteen minutes, changing your 1,396th diaper or even moving to a city to which you’ve never even been, well, let love rule.
Because wuv twooly is, as those purveyors of non-lite 70s rock known as Boston once melodicized, more than a feeling.
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